Street BBQ

This past weekend we hosted a BBQ for all of the neighbours on our street. It was great!

We've been meaning to host some sort of neighbourhood event ever since we moved in here, and now that we're leaving in a month, it seemed like the right time. (you know, in case we ruin everything)

And, despite any worries we may have had, it went really well! About 20 people showed throughout the evening. I chatted with 2 girls who live across the street, lived in the same residence as me in first year and are in similar programs in school. I also met an incredibly lively and smart philosophy student who lives a few houses away from us. She was super out going and got into a nice discussion with some people about the importance of the internet and blogging (she happens to be a blogger herself as well as a big advocate for twitter. How else you gonna know what Justin Bieber is up to every day?). She was so grateful that we put the BBQ on because she doesn't have the best room mates and she likes knowing that she has nice neighbours nearby. She even hugged us good bye when she left.

I had to leave early for work, but from what I heard, the rest of the night went even better than the first half. Two guys who have lived next to each other for years got the chance to connect over their love and knowledge of cars. One of them happened to be a teacher from my high school who taught wood shop and all that other hands on electrical and mechanical type stuff. He fixed our lawn mower too!

The next day, we were sitting outside doing our weekly dinner/devotions when two of the girls from the BBQ came up with a tray of cupcakes and a thank you card. They said we can come by whenever we want and join them on their stoop for some beer. I'm down for that :).

Its too bad that we're leaving here after having made some good connections. I think we're all a bit disappointed by that. But it does make me look forward to the coming year because I think we'll do something similar as soon as we can once we've moved into Sunnydale. One of the great things about events like this is that even if you don't necessarily connect perfectly, theres people nearby that you can call on in the future. Last year, Katie and Gloria and I gifted all of our townhouse neighbours with wrapped up rolls of toilet paper and invited people for dinner. We didn't have a lot of response but we did start getting lots of knocks on our door when people needed ice for their party, or some sugar for their baking. We also had people we could borrow cork screws or chairs from. There was a while there where we felt like we were living in a nice little community of sorts. I think a lot of people are eager to meet their neighbours and be part of their communities but they're just waiting for an invitation. And if we can help facilitate neighbours meeting eachother before we move on to a new place, that seems like a success to me.

A few nights ago everyone who is living here for the summer met up to discuss some issues we've encountered. We used the Restorative Justice method Gloria learned about in one of her classes and I felt like it was really effective.

Starting with Gloria, we went around and spoke about how various issues had been affecting us this summer. The biggest issue was the mess in our kitchen. Almost everyone had the same feelings about this problem. We feel like we can't use the kitchen. We feel like we can't have people over. We feel like we can leave our dishes out because everyone else leaves their's. Its a perpetual cycle in our house and no one is happy about it (even those of us who contribute). When it got to my turn, I expressed similar feelings of frustration and annoyance. But what bothers me most is that its a bad reflection of our our house, not only because it looks like we are slobs, but because ultimately, it demonstrates that we don't really care about each other. I know that it was no one's intention to be uncaring, but that's what really lies behind the constant state of mess. Ever since the house started getting messy back in September, the people who have been most negatively affected by it have told us how terrible it makes them feel. We've created system after system and had meeting after meeting with little to no results. Why is this such a pervasive problem?

I think its so easy to forget about how your actions affect other people, especially when things don't affect you in the same way. I don't like it when its messy, but it doesn't weigh down on me as much as it does on others. Its easy for me to forget that every time I leave behind a mess, I'm showing a lack of care for the people I live with.

We've all committed to supporting and caring and loving each other in this house and the mess doesn't demonstrate that at all. Once everyone had a chance to share, we starting brainstorming different solutions. We came up with several different ideas about cleaning but nothing really enforceable (who wants to be the enforcer anyways). Then someone mentioned that we still weren't solving the root of the problem which is that really, we aren't caring for each other. I said that I wished we could have a reminder so that its fresh in our minds when we are making messes that not cleaning up is hurtful to others. Gloria suggested we have a sign that said something like "This is hurtful" or something to that effect and then have another sign that would say "I'm Sorry." to replace the first one with once the mess had been cleaned. Jesse suggested that instead of those words, we have a heart to represent that cleaning up the mess is showing love to each other. What we ended up with is a double sided sign. One side has a broken heart and we'll place it on our kitchen table if mess is ever left out. The other side has a whole heart which we can show when the wrong has been made right. I really like this idea. No one wants to be the nagging house mate who is constantly asking people to clean up after themselves or complaining about how upset the mess makes them. But some of us need reminders simply because, frankly, we aren't being very considerate. This is a happy medium.

So, the meeting was a few days ago and since then our house had been pretty clean, the kitchen especially. It makes me look forward to making food (which is great because I'd been eating terribly before since I never wanted to use the stove or counters). But more than that, it makes me feel at peace in my home. I feel glad that my actions aren't negatively affecting my house mates any more and I feel glad that we can remove this huge cause of resentment from our lives and maybe start focusing on the reasons we got together in this house in the first place. This seemingly small thing makes me feel hopeful for our futures together. This restorative justice thing is a great tool and I know we'll definitely use it for whatever future stumbling blocks we come against.

An Experiment with Meetings

In one of my classes, I learned about conferencing, which is a way of handling conflict. Conferencing is where everyone immediately affected by a situation gets together to discuss an issue. There are many options for restorative ways of dealing with conflict, but I think this model fits our house best because of its relatively informal format.

What makes conferencing different from a regular meeting is the following:
1) One by one, everyone gets a chance (and must) talk about how a situation/conflict has personally affected them (emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally).
2) Everyone else respectfully hears out and listens to each person's point of view without interruption.
3) After everyone has been given a chance to speak, discussion begins about how things can be set right.
4) Nobody is allowed to dominate the conversation. There is no "leader" but everyone is responsible for making sure everyone else respectfully listens to and takes seriously everyone else's point of view.
5) The solution is reached by collaboration. Everyone must agree to it.
6) This only works if people voluntarily go through this process. If anyone has a bad attitude going in, the process is hindered significantly.
7) IF a solution is reached, there is a celebration afterwards.

We haven't tried this yet, but my hope is that we will, because I feel as though it has the potential of being a peace-building tool within our home.

Love

"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." -Fred Rogers

"We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer lies in community."
-Dorothy Day

The Actual and the Ideal

This is a quote that I brought up during devos last week. I will post it here because I think it is an accurate portrayal of what we are trying to accomplish.

"There are two things, the actual and the ideal.

To be mature is to see the ideal and live in the actual.

To fail is to accept the actual and reject the ideal.

To accept only that which is ideal and refuse the actual is to be immature.

Do not criticize the actual because you have seen the ideal.

Do not reject the ideal because you have seen the actual.

Maturity is to live with the actual but hold on to the ideal."

~ Derek Prince

In order for The Harbour to be successful we need to strike a balance between what we want to be and what we actually are. If we have grand ideas, but never execute them in tangible ways, then we are simply a house full of dreamers. If we are aware of our strengths and limitations, but use them as excuses to abandon our ideas, then we are a house of quitters. But somewhere between dreaming and quitting lies creativity, perseverance, boldness and faith. Let The Harbour be that place.

Gloria's New Blog

Christians who think that the purchases they make are irrelevant to what it means to follow Jesus make me angry.

I decided to do something about it. Check it out:

Consuming Justice to bring about Peace

"unity is a gospel imperative when we recognize that it opens us to change, to conversion: when we realize how our life with Christ is somehow bound up with our willingness to abide with those we think are sinful, and those we think are stupid."
-Rowan Williams, the archbishop of Canterbury

Statement of Action - Newly Edited

The Harbour an experimental community and we’re all quite inexperienced in the area of community formation. Therefore, it can and should be re-evaluated at least annually as our visions and purposes change over time.

The goal of The Harbour is to follow God by taking seriously Jesus’ teachings, and to do it as a community, holding each other accountable, learning to love each other and others the way that God loves and accepts us.

The purpose of doing life together is to have a central place of love and empowerment. It is difficult to love others when one is not receiving support in their own lives for their own struggles. The house will be a place where people will be “loved on” whether they are residents of the house or not. This means attempting to develop a home which serves as a sanctuary where residents feel accepted and cared for, so that they in turn can be empowered to accept and care for others.

The purpose of this community is not to replace God with community but to manifest God’s love through community. This project is not about worshipping community, but about worshipping God using community as a means of doing so.

Therefore, we will be deliberate about practicing community by doing the following:

House Rules

• All residents, by agreeing to live here, are thereby agreeing to be held accountable by all other residents of the house in matters of household responsibilities and Christian spirituality and its practical applications.
• With the knowledge that we are all sinners, by agreeing to live here, one agrees to approach their housemates’ struggles not with a spirit of judgement, but with a spirit of compassion. This does not mean that once a sin has become evident that the rest of the house shrugs it off as unimportant. It does mean that the house is committed to gently helping each member grow spiritually and be set free from their sins.
• As a collected group, we will establish schedules for cleaning to keep things fair so that no single person bears all the responsibility of taking care of the whole house.
• No sex outside of marriage. We acknowledge that biblical sexual purity is about much more than just abstaining from sexual intercourse and will hold each other accountable accordingly.
• As a general rule, girls hold other girls spiritually accountable and guys hold other guys spiritually accountable.
• Illegal drugs are not acceptable within this house. Residents are not allowed to use or deal illegal drugs and others are not allowed to bring them into the house.
• While drinking alcohol is a welcomed and unproblematic activity in this house, we acknowledge that drunkenness is unbiblical and will hold each other accountable to that.
• Gossip is divisive and not acceptable among the residents of the house.
• Each resident should regularly attend a community of faith so that they are getting spiritually nourished from people other than the ones who live here.
• By agreeing to live here, one agrees to try to love all others, especially other residents and those the house ministers to, as brothers and sisters in Christ or as people with souls whom God loves and values as shown through the example of Jesus.

Rituals

The purpose of having rituals is to make sure that we really accomplish the goals we seek to accomplish by doing so systematically.

The following will be rituals communally practiced by the house:

• Though everyone will have there own individual schedules, as a house, we will commit to assembling for food, fellowship and devotions at dinner time on the same day, once a week, and every week.
• Regular prayer will be a part of how this house functions.
• We want to figure out how to best reach out and love others in our area, especially those who are marginalized. Sometimes this will be done individually and sometimes it will be done as a whole or partial group.
• We will focus on practicing one spiritual discipline every month. An introduction to each discipline and collaboration for how we want to implement it into our lives will generally happen at the first house devotions of every month. The schedule for practicing the spiritual disciplines is:
• September – Simplicity
• October – Meditation
• November – Confession
• December – Study
• January – Service
• February – Celebration
• March – Fasting
• April – Submission
• May – Guidance
• June – Prayer
• July – Solitude
• August – Worship

• Storytelling - It helps to understand where someone is at when you know where they've been. Therefore, sometimes devotion time gets used as a time for one person to voluntarily take a turn sharing their testimony/life story with the group.

• At least once a semester, we will split up grocery and any other communal bills evenly. If one did not benefit from the purchase of a particular item, one does not have to pay for it.
• We will have a garden because some people think gardening is fun. It is also environmentally friendly and economical.

Focuses

The focus of all members of the community should be glorifying God with his or her lifestyle. With this in mind, the following portrays the general focuses we will have as a group:

• Following the Bible – We will be intentional about applying biblical concepts to our lives, especially Jesus’ teachings. Hence the weekly Bible studies.

• Social Responsibility – We believe we are called to remember and care for the poor and oppressed people of our nation and around the world. How this works itself out practically can be at the discretion of each individual community member since each member has different gifts and means of contribution.

• Environmental Responsibility – We believe that God calls us to be stewards of the earth.

• Authenticity – We are all broken, messed up people with unresolved issues. We believe that being honest about these things with emotionally safe people is the first step to recovery. Therefore, the house needs to be a safe environment for broken people, free from judgement and full of compassion. At the same time, we do not wish to force people to be open about their issues, if they are not ready to share.

However, when people are ready to share their issues, we agree to keep these issues confidential. The only exception to this rule is if someone is in danger. Other than that, other people’s struggles are never things to be broadcasted to anyone else – not in prayer groups, not with friends who live within the house or elsewhere. Therefore, everyone in the house is not necessarily aware of everyone else’s struggles.

• Creativity – Expressing creativity is a form of worship. Therefore, in as many aspects of life as possible, let those with even a shred of creativity in their souls show it. Beauty is important.

• “Loving On” People – What we want to do with this house is have it be a place where residents and non-residents get loved on. We believe in trying to treat people the way Jesus would.

• Conflict Resolution – When people get together, conflict inevitably happens. We will try not to let these conflicts fester and will commit to learning together how to deal with our conflicts in constructive ways.

• Burden Sharing – We handle difficulties together.

• Utilizing community resources. We will get involved in other projects beyond those which our house initiates.

• Reaching out to our immediate community – We are not a clique.

• Growing – Knowing how inexperienced we are, we wish to be in contact with trusted older Christian mentors on a regular basis so that we can grow in wisdom from people with practical experience.

What We Believe

*Note - The purpose of stating this publicly and blatantly is to demonstate to those who are unfamiliar with us or the concept of Christian community living that we hold orthodox Christian beliefs. It is not meant to exclude those of us who may be wrestling their faith.

To join this community means to believe the following statements enough to make them the basis for how one lives his or her life:

- God exists and who He is has been accurately revealed to people through the Old and New Testament in the Bible.
- The Bible is an authoritative, God-inspired source for discovering who God is and what that had to do with ancient people and what that has to do with us now.
- God is one but has three manifestations – Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
- God loves us. God loves everyone.
- We are in need of God to save us from the mess we made of this world and our own lives. This “mess” is called evil or sin. We cannot save ourselves.
- Jesus is fully human and fully God.
- Jesus’ death and resurrection demonstrate God’s triumph over evil.
- Even though we deserve death because of our sin, Jesus, the only perfect human to have ever lived, took our place and bore the punishment of sin for anyone who accepts this - whether they were pre-destined to accept it or not.
- The story is not over and evil has not been fully eradicated from the world. Jesus is coming back to finish the job. In the meantime, we are His followers and are working to establish His kingdom (or God’s will) here on earth.
- When one agrees to accept God's grace shown through Jesus' death, one is agreeing to live life God's way, instead of their own way, from that point on. Emulating Jesus’ life and teachings and following the principles laid out in the whole Bible is what it means to do that.